It’s been 84 years….
Okay it’s been like a week BUT DEAR GOD. I feel like the first day I re-emerge from this isolation nation, I’ll have such bad vitamin D deficiency I’ll be confused for Dracula.
By now, you’ve probably gained the COVID-15 and have started rationing your toilet paper. Or, if you’re like me, you’ve created a barter system with friends for TP… “Your money’s no good here, but that Charming Ultra Soft, though.” Your kids have probably started coloring on – and driving you up your walls, and the lack of adult conversation may have you talking to the voices in your head.
So. Here’s my comprehensive survival guide for moms and dads stuck in Parenting Prison during this trying time.
🧟♀️ Get outside! No I don’t mean to go to your local neighborhood pool (which should be closed) I mean go for a walk. See the sun! Emerge from the darkness. Nature is so healing for your mental health! We have been going for walks every day (just around the pond in our complex) just to feel like we have gotten outside. Since gyms are closed too, this is a great way to exercise!
🧟♂️ Meal Prep and freeze meals! This isn’t a hurricane, the power isn’t going to go out. So stop bulk buying up the shelves, Karen! I’m sure you really need those 15 gallons of milk that expire in a week but sharing is caring! Having a plan for what you’re going to eat throughout the next few weeks will allow you to 1. Chill the F out. 2. Not have to venture back out to the grocery store. 3. Ensure that IF grocery stores close (they won’t) that you won’t have to go out and hunt a deer for survival. Relax.
🧟♂️ Catch up on crap you would usually daydream about doing at your work desk, but just never had the time. Laundry? Do it. Messy garage? Clean it. Alphabetize your seasonings if it makes you feel accomplished. Create a schedule for the next few months. Organize!
🧟♀️ Read! Bake! Create! If your little ones are starting to think that your living room is a jungle gym wrestling ring, read together. Create together. It’s not screen time, you can feel as though you’re educating them and it’s something you can do as a family. Also, the giant mess they’ll make will give you something to do later. Kidding…ish.
🧟 Pour yourself a glass of wine and take advantage of the fact that you don’t have to wash your hair or go out in public. Ever let your mind wander when you’re driving down the road like “If this kids party got rained out I could be at home in pjs right now…” NOW IS YOUR TIME. THIS TIME IS FOR YOU. Allow yourself so be a mediocre parent momentarily and let your kids watch an entire season of Bubble Guppies (is it seasons? Idk) and stay in pajamas all day long. I get this contradicts my last zombie-point but Lord help us we have so much time and so little to do inside.
🧟♂️ Limit the news. Stay informed, but don’t stress. Otherwise you’re going to get anxious, short of breath, and convince yourself that you have COVID-19.
🧟♀️ If you can, give to those less fortunate. Share the pack of toilet paper, Venmo a local business just because, tip your server 100% even if you’re just ordering to go.
🧟 Listen to the CDC over your conspiracy theorist uncle, who believes the Chinese created this virus to destroy the planet and now the only means of survival is a toilet paper bomb shelter. Stay inside. It sucks, for all of us. But is ESPECIALLY sucks for those with weakened immune systems, cancer patients, the elderly, and pregnant women. Think about others before yourself just for a moment. I know you totally paid for like this rad spring break trip Kyle, but like spring has sprung like super hard and now people are dying and you need to like totally stay inside, bro.
🧟♀️ Lastly, Eat (your meal prepped food) Pray (for those less fortunate) DON’T Shake the Baby (really. Don’t.)